She's JV to your varsity
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
