This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
