i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
