Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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