lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
