two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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