It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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