I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
