she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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