WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
