I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
did i just pee glitter
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize