Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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