He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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