Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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