I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Randomize