Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
