At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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