I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
