when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
