I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
