I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
