I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
