Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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