where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
