A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
