omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I need to stop coming to work sober
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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