Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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