Im at strip club and am horny
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This baby is an asshole
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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