Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
