Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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