DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
