i already hear my dad disowning me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
