And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize