I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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