Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
