I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
