I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
