Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
