I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
