Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
