UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
