shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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