and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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