You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
