Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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