I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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