Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
