i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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