Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
