I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
