How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
