Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
