can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So much rum. So many feels.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
