Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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