He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
