I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
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I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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