God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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