U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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