I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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