SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
