going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
