What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There's always time for handjobs
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
