i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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