You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
