Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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