he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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