why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
