Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize