i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
