Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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