He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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