Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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