it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
