Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
