I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
